Mentor (noun): an experienced and trusted adviser. Synonyms: coach, guide, helper, counselor, consultant.
Consider these questions:
What is important, meaningful to you now? What do you want to learn … change … improve … accomplish. How would you like to feel? What ignites your passion? What triggers your happiness and joy?
Make a list of your strengths and competencies. Review regularly. Edit and revise as you see fit.
Make a list of well-thought-out outcomes you most desire. Review regularly. Edit and revise as you see fit.
Know your B.S. (Belief System). Do you have a FIXED mindset … or a GROWTH mindset?
Focus on things that you CAN control or manage — choices, attitudes, actions, behaviors, mood, responses.
Take responsibility and accountability for “co-creating” or “shaping” the future you most desire.
Make a list of your own core values/virtues — or TARGET values/virtues. For example: loyalty, dependability, balance, compassion, kindness, generosity, passion, humility, bravery, professionalism, gratitude, flow, love, faith, patience, humor, ambition, optimism, confidence, fitness, wellbeing.
Then, review/reinforce regularly. Research and learn more about ways to demonstrate and embody them.
Compose appropriate “focus phrases” (sayings — proverbs — mottos — affirmations) Use them as reminders, positive triggers, inspirations, “alignments.”
Write, record, display the reminders and reinforcement that is appropriate to the outcomes you seek.
Make a “To-Feel List” — list of “target” or “most desired” feelings or emotional states. Review regularly. For example: happy, joyful, proud, enthusiastic, confident, grateful, compassionate, smart, lucky, appreciative, creative, energetic, inspired, calm, hopeful, positive, serene, helpful, loved, loving, valued, euphoric, strong …
Three other very helpful lists: • To-Do List – “Today’s Mission” • Inspiration List • Gratitude Journal
Gather intelligence, take notes. Flipboard. Google Search. Networking. Books. Magazines. TED Talks.
A KEY QUESTION: “What do I want to do, that I WILL do, to increase the likelihood of the outcomes I desire?”
Your goals should be appropriate, realistic, practical … they need to make sense.
To achieve specific goals: Break them down into small, workable steps. “What will I do TODAY?”
And … schedule those tasks and activities on your calendar! Give yourself honest feedback.
“PRACTICE MAKES HABITS” – to create a new habit or ritual, link it to an existing one.
• “What would I advise my dearest friend with the same goals, or challenges that I’m facing?”
• If a highly motivated person was seeking advice and guidance from you, in areas of interest to you … What would you tell them? How would you help them? Would you follow your own best advice?
Be honest with yourself. Be good to yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be self-compassionate.
©2016 Jerry D. Posner
Grati-Tuesdays With Jerry
Here is a collection of Grati-Tuesday missives I’ve written on my Facebook wall. Every Tuesday, I post a reminder to focus some attention on the good things we’re privileged to experience … the gifts, the blessings, the miracles, the random “good fortune” that sometimes comes our way. Useful any day of the week, not just Tuesday.
“If you don’t get everything you want, think of the things you don’t get, that you don’t want.” — Oscar Wilde
Grati-Tuesday. Celebrate the wonderful, amazing things … celebrate the simple, functional things! Celebrate your unique life!
Having a pity-party? About to pout?
Make gratitude choices instead, no doubt.
Change your focus. Appreciate the good.
And feel that groovy gratitude!
Grati-Tuesday! How many miracles do we simply take for granted? Love? WiFi? Hummingbirds? Life itself? Gratitude and Appreciation are the happiness twins.
Grati-Tuesday! Gratitude felt … appreciation expressed.
Grati-Tuesday Greetings! Great to count your blessings. Even better to write them down, four or five daily. This practice can yield significant positive results over time.
Grati-Tuesday! Even on challenging days, there’s much to appreciate, much to feel grateful for. Makes difficult times a little easier to navigate.
Grati-Tuesday! We owe our lives to many. Some that we knew, and untold millions we will never know. Include gratitude in your daily ritual. You won’t regret it!
Grati-Tuesday! “Gratitude bestows reverence, allowing us to encounter everyday epiphanies, those transcendent moments of awe that change forever how we experience life and the world.” — John Milton
Grati-Tuesday! Sincere expressions of appreciation and gratitude can significantly brighten someone’s day – especially those whose service, kindness or love is all too often taken for granted.
Grati-Tuesday! “Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for.” — Epicurus
Grati-Tuesday! Get your meetings off on a positive note – have everyone share one thing that makes them feel truly grateful.
Grati-Tuesday! “Gratitude is the gateway to greatness!” (Tavis Smiley)
Grati-Tuesday Greetings! “Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” – Marcel Proust. Nicely said, Marcel!
Having challenges? Try this: make a list of 20 good things about your life, things that you’re genuinely grateful for or happy about. This exercise won’t eliminate the tough stuff, but could give you a more empowering perspective.
“I am grateful for what I am and have. My thanksgiving is perpetual. It is surprising how contented one can be with nothing definite — only a sense of existence.” — Henry David Thoreau
Grati-Tuesday Greetings! A little daily gratitude practice can result in significantly positive outcomes!
“Grati-Tuesday” greetings! Today, write and send a thank-you note to someone who deeply deserves your appreciation and gratitude.
“It’s a sign of mediocrity when you demonstrate gratitude with moderation.”
— Roberto Benigni
Grati-Tuesday Greetings! Gratitude and appreciation – foundations of an excellent day. Feel it, express it, share it. Be a grati-tutor!
Grati-Tuesday! Feelings of gratitude can help us keep some balance during challenging or stressful times. Take a “gratitude break” a few times daily – remember the good things that already exist – then, navigate onward!
Grati-Tuesday! 2 … 4 … 6 … 8 … Who and what do you appreciate? Just ponder this for a minute.
Grati-Tuesday Greetings! “Don’t it always seem to go, that you don’t know what you’ve got ’till it’s gone.” — Joni Mitchell. Electricity, running water, wifi, cell service — hoping we don’t lose ’em, grateful we have ’em!
Grati-Tuesday Greetings! Just take a minute, right now, and let yourself feel grateful for your friends and family; for your resources; for that which is fortunate in your life. Not a bad way to start the day!
Grati-Tuesday Greetings! Sincere expressions of gratitude and appreciation are great gifts! And, there’s a never ending supply of them!
Grati-Tuesday! “At times, our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” — Albert Schweitzer
Grati-Tuesday! Grateful to be working … grateful to be earning … grateful to be helping … grateful to be serving!
Grati-Tuesday! Tell the people you’re grateful for, that you are, and why. Tell the people you love, that you do, and why. Don’t wait.
Grati-Tuesday! It’s great to read the “Gratitudes” on so many Facebook walls. They inspire positive feelings for the readers … and the writer!
I find it next to impossible to not feel gratitude.
THE STUFF WE TELL OURSELVES –
CREATIVE, OBSERVATIONAL, OR WHAT?
Have you ever repeated “negative affirmations” like these (to yourself or out loud)?
I don’t deserve to succeed.
The world is against me.
Miracles don’t happen, I never get a break.
I am conflicted about most everything, I can’t make any decisions.
I am a disappointment.
I lead a life of self-deception and sheer stupidity.
I cannot be happy. Ever.
I have absolutely no love in my life. None.
I must play the part of a tragic figure.
I must act sad and moody most all of the time.
I am never really good enough.
My timing is pathetically awful.
Most anything makes me angry, then I feel guilty, then I feel ashamed, then I feel angrier.
Let’s stop right here. Do these words help to create negative conditions, or are they simply a sad commentary on what is? These examples are meant to be somewhat irrational, absolutist, all-or-nothing assumptions, ’cause that’s how we sometimes (or all too often) think.
It’s true that words have power and that thoughts trigger feelings. Obviously, some emotions can be motivating … and others make us want to get back to bed, pull the covers over our heads, and have a personal (possibly perpetual) pity-party (not pretty)!
Our thoughts … the words we tell ourselves … might or might not be true or helpful. Yet, often by habit, we have been known to focus our thinking on negative, false, (definitely not helpful) words —negative affirmations, so to speak.
Do negative affirmations work as well as positive ones? Or, perhaps a better question is: do affirmations “work” at all?
How did you feel when you read the set of negative affirmations? Read the next bunch slowly and carefully, savor the phrases, and notice the effect.
I can make my choices based on the outcomes I most desire.
I am loved and appreciated.
I value and appreciate my life.
I have tremendous potential.
I am allowed to pursue my best goals.
I can find out whatever I need to know.
I am fortunate, thankful, grateful.
I am perpetually inspired.
I’m open and receptive to miracles in my life.
I deserve to succeed. I am allowed to succeed.
I can make the choices that make me happy.
I can do what I love.
I have great timing (after all, I AM reading this!)
For me, some kind of affirmation practice is useful in managing thoughts, and the results that follow. Importantly, they have to be worded in such a way that we can accept them as statements of truth. I think an “affirmation” that is clearly bogus (inflated, unrealistic, irrational, inappropriate) is more like wishful thinking than a practical tool. Nonetheless, sometimes miracles DO happen, and working with positive affirmations could be a catalyst.
What do you think?
21 for 2011
By Jerry Posner
Resolutions and “Focus Phrases” For a Stellar Year!
1. Anticipate life’s tests and the best ways to pass them.
2. Compassion is always an option.
3. Confidence just might stack the odds in my favor.
4. Express curiosity instead of becoming defensive.
5. Return all phone calls. Yes, all of them.
6. Make my mom proud.
7. Say, “you’re welcome” instead of “no problem.”
8. Am I worrying for nothing … again?
9. Moment-to-moment appreciation and gratitude.
10. Two great answers: It depends. You never know.
11. Another great answer: I don’t know, but I will find out.
12. Think twice before broadcasting sarcasm.
13. Every eye-roll and frown sends a message.
14. Every smile sends a message, too.
15. Look for the miracles in everyday life.
16. Avoid superstitions … unless they work, of course!
17. Synchronize communication codes.
18. Ask myself, “what do I keep, what do I throw away?”
19. Notice and thank the angels amongst us.
20. Know what I want most, and act accordingly.
21. Wisdom works better when applied daily.